Sarcasm Status

Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of your sentence?

Sarcasm, because murder charges are expensive.

Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.

Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you will find a brain back there.

I would agree with you, but then we would both be wrong.

People say I act like I don’t care – actually its not an act.

I’m 97% sure you don’t like me, but I’m 100% sure, I don’t care.

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Remember when I asked for your opinion?….. Yeah me neither.

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just need paychecks.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

Anyone that really gets to know me either falls in love with me or wants to murder me. Sometimes both.

I’m not antisocial. I am selectively social.

You smell like drama and headache – Please get away from me.

I run on caffeine, sarcasm and inappropriate thoughts.

Light travels faster than sound, thats why some people appear bright until they speak.

I found what you are looking for – Attention.

Its okay if you don’t like me. Not everybody have good taste.

Two reasons I don’t trust people – 1)I know them. 2)I don’t know them.

I love that sound, when you shut up.

You inspire my inner serial killer.

When one door closes another opens. Otherwise you can open the closed door – thats how doors work.

I’m returning you nose dear. I found it in my business.

I don’t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little each day.

Its not my fault.You thought I was normal…. That’s on you.

There’s no need to repeat. I ignored you just fine the first time.

I admit that my level of weiredness is above the national average, but I’m comfortable with that.

Sometimes the devil on my shoulder asks “What the heck are you doing”

And don’t forget to grab a straw, because you sucks.

Life is a soup and I’m a fork.

Mirrors don’t lie. And lucky for you they don’t laugh.

I take super hot showers to practice burning in hell.

Sorry for being late. I just got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being with you.